I don't really like to write controversial posts. I worry that I will hurt someone's feelings, or open a can of worms that just isn't worth being opened. But every once in awhile I get worked up enough that I write something and hit the post button, wondering if I really should be posting it. So, fair warning, this is one of those times.
A very good friend of mine and I often have chats that often include one of us saying to eachother, "know your audience."
If it took you 6 months to get pregnant, don't complain that it took you forever to get pregnant to people who have dealt with fertility issues for years.
If you get straight A's in school, don't complain that school is such a struggle for you to someone who works their butt off and still struggles to only pull in Cs.
If you make $80,000 or $100,000 dollars yearly, don't complain that you have no money and finances are slim to someone who pulls in $20,000 annually.
If you find yourself in the first group of these statements and other situations like this, I am not saying you don't have struggles in this area. I am saying that you most likely can't fully understand what the person in the latter part of these statements is really going through. And by saying these types of things it can sting in the heart of the other person.
Honesty alert(because, really, sometimes you gotta be real): My family and I currently pull in roughly $20,000 a year at this time. And if I had a nickle for everytime someone who makes $80,000 or more complain to me about how tough finances were, well, i might actually be rich.
I don't pretend to know what is going on in everyone's life. I don't always know if a crisis has happened in your life that has momentarily put you in a bad spot financially. What I do know is that when I hear you say you have no money, and I see your lifestyle or I know what your annual income is (because friends, sometimes we do feel okay to share that number which is okay), I wonder what you must think of me in my $3 Value Village shirt purchased on 50% off day, if you are feeling bad about your own money situation while looking like a rockstar in your designer boots.
Here's the thing. We have one vehicle. We live in a small, OLD home. My kids are blessed with being able to take swimming lessons because I walked into the YMCA and applied for subsidy. Not the funnest moment, let me tell you. But my kids are worth it. When I do buy clothes it is 9 out of 10 times from a thrift store, and soccer is paid for by Christmas money given to the children by relatives. We don't have cable. When we travel this Summer we are combining it with work to make money and using CHEAP camping accommodations. I don't go to the salon, or buy fancy lotions or makeup or creams. Actually, I make my own bar soap to save money. I hang laundry often. And in the winter we keep our temperature in our house on average around 16 or 17 degrees.
And I don't tell you this so you feel sorry for me. Actually, I would HATE it if you did. Because this kind of stuff doesn't make my life horrible. Sometimes it enriches it. Sometimes it strengthens my character. And yes, sometimes it does cause me to complain because I am human and no matter where we are in our life, we are caught complaining about something that we shouldn't be complaining about. But I imagine if I was in a conversation with a homeless person and started complaining to them about how finances were tough that they might feel frustrated with what was coming out of my mouth. Because to them, having a warm bed, a roof over my head, clothes on my back, and never going hungry....well, that is something they dream of. I have all those things, and feel so fortunate! And for me, I often see these financial struggles as a temporary situation because one day my kids will be older and I will have more time to work and bring in income for the family when they won't need constant supervision or have such an attachment to their parents. But for now, when I hear those comments it makes me feel like there is this huge totem pole, and that I must be on the very bottom because if you feel like you don't have enough, it makes me think you look at me and just pity me and my children.
And you know what? I am HAPPY for you that you make a comfortable income. I think that is something you should feel proud of and thank God for. I think it is something you should celebrate! I would love to hear how you were able to take a much needed vacation, or you were able to add renovations to your home you were dreaming about, or how you finally could put your child in those horse ridinng lessons they wanted so much. All I am saying is, when we share our struggles, let's work together to know our audience. I am guilty of this too...oh, how there have been times in mid-sentence I have realized I have said something that just shouldn't have come out of my mouth. There are many struggles people around me are going through that I really have no idea how hard that valley is they are walking through. I want to learn to be sensitive to those around me. Let's do this together. :)
Showing posts with label low-income. Show all posts
Showing posts with label low-income. Show all posts
Friday, May 16, 2014
Monday, December 2, 2013
10 things low-income people want you to know...
Talking about finances, especially my finances, is a tough subject for me. I am a pretty open person...probably too open, but when it comes to finances, I start to get a little uncomfortable. But I can't get this blog out of my head! So as a continuation from last blog, read on...
10 things low-income people want you to know:
1. We aren't unhappy. Just because we have little money doesn't mean we are miserable. Actually, many of us are happy in our lives, and enjoy many aspects of our frugal lifestyle.
2. Sometimes we have to say no, and hate it. When our friends invite us out, we want to always be able to say yes. But sometimes financially, it just isn't wise to do so, whether it be out for dinner or even the gas money to get there. but we secretly fear if we say no you will eventually grow tired of it and stop inviting us out. So sometimes we still say yes, even though we shouldn't.
3. We agonize over EVERY small purchase. People with more money i imagine tend to wonder if they should or shouldn't have bought bigger purchases...such as a new outfit, a weekend away, a new electronic. Low income people tend to feel guilty every time they get a Tim Horton's coffee, going through a drive thru to feed the family while rushing on the go, or a new thrift store t-shirt. We question ourselves all the time on whether it really was a wise choice.
4. Something that is celebrated as "cheap" is not necessarily that way for us. You know those commercials that advertise stores like Winners being super cheap? Maybe it is for many people, but when I walk in that store I have to walk right out knowing it is out of my price range. Even higher end thrift stores, such as Value Village, have to be shopped at very carefully because some of the stuff is priced a little higher than we really feel we should pay because of our budgets.
5. We worry people will pity us. We want to share about our struggles...we want to be able to share on days that it is financially hard because we know there is comfort in friends and prayer. But we worry if we share about finances you'll feel sorry for us, or start hiding 20 dollar bills in our house. If we share, often it's because we just want a safe place to be able to talk about it, just like anyone with struggles.
6. We like low-key. Please, if you invite us over for dinner, keep it simple. If we go to your house and you serve us a three course meal, an appetizer, and 5 desserts, it makes us a bit uncomfortable. Not because we don't appreciate it (trust me, we LOVE food) but because we know we can rarely reciprocate something so extravagant. I get that for some people, that is their love language, and that is something I need to come to terms with, but please know that inviting us over for hot dogs,or spaghetti is speaking our language. :)
7. We struggle with pride. Sometimes when someone sees a need in our life and does something to ease burden, we are so grateful but have a hard time expressing ourselves because we are feeling overwhelmingly blessed, but also struggling with pride because we wish we could meet all those needs ourselves. Recently I had someone anonymously pay for a program for my kids to take part in at our church. I cried because I was so grateful.
8. Stuff doesn't equal money. I have heard stories of people judging financially struggling people because they have a big screen tv, or a cell phone, go on a trip, or have something else fancy and "expensive" looking. Just by looking in someone's home or life you don't know if what you are looking at was bought, a gift, or an insanely amazing deal. We have more furniture and stuff in our home than we need, and only ONE piece of furniture was bought brand new at Ikea years ago. EVERY other piece of furniture was either passed down to us or bought at a yardsale. Just because we have stuff doesn't mean we must be spending our money irresponsibly.
9. We know we have SO much. Just like anyone, we have our days when we wish we had more, but overall, we know the fact that we were born in CANADA alone is an overall blessing. We know that compared to so many other countries and children and families around the world we are actually very rich. We get mad at ourselves when we have a "poor me" attitude because the fact that we know where our next meal is coming from means we actually fall in the "rich" bracket.
10. Every decision we make that involves money isn't always based on the cost. Christmas is a great example of this one. Yes, we want to keep our expenses down, but more importantly, we don't want to teach our children that Christmas is about a mountain of presents under the tree. So we scale back Christmas in an effort to keep our whole family's eyes on the real meaning of the season.
If you have anything to add to this list, please share. But these are some of the things that come to my mind when I think of what I would want others to know about us in the low-income bracket.
10 things low-income people want you to know:
1. We aren't unhappy. Just because we have little money doesn't mean we are miserable. Actually, many of us are happy in our lives, and enjoy many aspects of our frugal lifestyle.
2. Sometimes we have to say no, and hate it. When our friends invite us out, we want to always be able to say yes. But sometimes financially, it just isn't wise to do so, whether it be out for dinner or even the gas money to get there. but we secretly fear if we say no you will eventually grow tired of it and stop inviting us out. So sometimes we still say yes, even though we shouldn't.
3. We agonize over EVERY small purchase. People with more money i imagine tend to wonder if they should or shouldn't have bought bigger purchases...such as a new outfit, a weekend away, a new electronic. Low income people tend to feel guilty every time they get a Tim Horton's coffee, going through a drive thru to feed the family while rushing on the go, or a new thrift store t-shirt. We question ourselves all the time on whether it really was a wise choice.
4. Something that is celebrated as "cheap" is not necessarily that way for us. You know those commercials that advertise stores like Winners being super cheap? Maybe it is for many people, but when I walk in that store I have to walk right out knowing it is out of my price range. Even higher end thrift stores, such as Value Village, have to be shopped at very carefully because some of the stuff is priced a little higher than we really feel we should pay because of our budgets.
5. We worry people will pity us. We want to share about our struggles...we want to be able to share on days that it is financially hard because we know there is comfort in friends and prayer. But we worry if we share about finances you'll feel sorry for us, or start hiding 20 dollar bills in our house. If we share, often it's because we just want a safe place to be able to talk about it, just like anyone with struggles.
6. We like low-key. Please, if you invite us over for dinner, keep it simple. If we go to your house and you serve us a three course meal, an appetizer, and 5 desserts, it makes us a bit uncomfortable. Not because we don't appreciate it (trust me, we LOVE food) but because we know we can rarely reciprocate something so extravagant. I get that for some people, that is their love language, and that is something I need to come to terms with, but please know that inviting us over for hot dogs,or spaghetti is speaking our language. :)
7. We struggle with pride. Sometimes when someone sees a need in our life and does something to ease burden, we are so grateful but have a hard time expressing ourselves because we are feeling overwhelmingly blessed, but also struggling with pride because we wish we could meet all those needs ourselves. Recently I had someone anonymously pay for a program for my kids to take part in at our church. I cried because I was so grateful.
8. Stuff doesn't equal money. I have heard stories of people judging financially struggling people because they have a big screen tv, or a cell phone, go on a trip, or have something else fancy and "expensive" looking. Just by looking in someone's home or life you don't know if what you are looking at was bought, a gift, or an insanely amazing deal. We have more furniture and stuff in our home than we need, and only ONE piece of furniture was bought brand new at Ikea years ago. EVERY other piece of furniture was either passed down to us or bought at a yardsale. Just because we have stuff doesn't mean we must be spending our money irresponsibly.
9. We know we have SO much. Just like anyone, we have our days when we wish we had more, but overall, we know the fact that we were born in CANADA alone is an overall blessing. We know that compared to so many other countries and children and families around the world we are actually very rich. We get mad at ourselves when we have a "poor me" attitude because the fact that we know where our next meal is coming from means we actually fall in the "rich" bracket.
10. Every decision we make that involves money isn't always based on the cost. Christmas is a great example of this one. Yes, we want to keep our expenses down, but more importantly, we don't want to teach our children that Christmas is about a mountain of presents under the tree. So we scale back Christmas in an effort to keep our whole family's eyes on the real meaning of the season.
If you have anything to add to this list, please share. But these are some of the things that come to my mind when I think of what I would want others to know about us in the low-income bracket.
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